I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize