listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
