wrigley field is MILF paradise
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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