Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
