fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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