we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
