Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So here I am, sexting at work.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
