Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
