Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
