; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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