how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
