my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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