Farmville is her only friend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
