i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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