yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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