birth control should be required to get into college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
