cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How does one acquire holy water?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
