Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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