We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
