Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
