He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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