My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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