Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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