I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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