the condom got lost in my hair
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I licked your asshole in confidence.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
