i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
