I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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