I think my vagina is haunted
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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