My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a search helicopter?!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
