I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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