dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
