I just saw a hot homeless man
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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