if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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