Pappa wants mamma naked
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize