Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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