Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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