Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
