idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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