I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
