we're blogging at a bar
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
