My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize