I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh god it's open bar.
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