at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
