I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
