she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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