I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
a search helicopter?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
