I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
