At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
