Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
