This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
