Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
