I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
