It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
