Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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