Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
