she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
