You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come share oat with me in your robe
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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