in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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