Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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