I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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