Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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