i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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