If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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