I got chris browned last night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
