yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize