She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
