I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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