I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
