he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
