Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
