I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
