did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
