Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize