I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
